All my life I have struggled with a low mood. At times, I have suffered the depths of despair and darkness. Now, however, I am finding more moments of joy in life, and it is wonderful.
I know the scripture, the joy of the Lord is my strength, and at times, I know this joy.
The first time I remember it, was when I was twenty-three and I had an encounter with God, which had me in total awe of Him and His glorious presence for an entire week. It was the week after God had brought freedom to me in an area I had been battling in, and struggling with shame. God gave the youth pastor a word of knowledge and a prayer later, I was free.
At the end of that week, I was flying to Japan to visit my sister, who was living there. It was the first time I'd seen her since I'd become a follower of Jesus. As I travelled to Japan, the tangible glowing presence of the Lord left me. I begged Him not to leave me. Of course, He was still with me, but His tangible presence had gone.
My battle with depression began at age ten after my father died. I've had bouts of depression ever since, and I have tried many things to overcome it. At times, after prayer, God would give me an instant miracle, other times, it was like He was giving me a map of how to deal with thoughts and issues along the way to help me get out of the forest, so to speak.
Unfortunately, after the birth of my third daughter, I developed severe depression and there were moments I no longer wanted to be on his earth, but I had a family to raise, so somehow I had to get through it. Armed with Truth coaches from David Riddell's living wisdom, I would speak them in my mind and sing until my mood would shift. I also realized that I had a hormonal imbalance, and when that was sorted, I was ready to return home and look after my family. Previously, I had been staying with my aunt and uncle, who were looking after me and my three children under five.
This week I've felt like I've had a joy sandwich with days of joy and a battle in the middle. In the middle of the week, the suffering of others, illness, great darkness, and death confronted me. Being a sensitive soul, I felt these things deeply. Perhaps God wanted me to encourage others, which I tried to do.
For me personally, I feel I've had a breakthrough. Am I going to dwell on the facts, or am I going to look at the bigger truth of God's word?
All I can say is by focusing on God's word rather than earthly facts, I am certainly happier. I believe this is a key. Life may be tough and sometimes crazy around us, but I know God wants good things for us.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Are we going to believe this? Or are we going to complain? I know I am good at complaining, but how do we want our lives to be? Are we willing to do what it takes to live differently, to be different? It takes work. For me, I say yes. If one way doesn't work, what about trying another? It is always possible to find more resources.
So much of life comes down to mindset and choosing life. Repenting or changing one's mind and letting go of grievance. Give yourself grace. It is so good to let go of judgment of yourself and others, and hand it over to Him.Â
Because we are created in God's image, all human beings are amazing.
This week my prayer for you who are reading this is that you will know God and His joy, for He is so good and so is His joy.
Thanks to Mi-Pham for the photo
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